Violence against cars

[colcol]

New Subject here that hasn't been talked about, what violent acts have you ever commited against your car.
I once heard of a story about someone who was working on an old BMC Mini, and it was old as in old banger, not old and valuable like an, well old Mini, the most simple job on an old Mini can turn into a nightmare, due to lack of working space, well the owner snapped, got a hammer and went around and smashed every panel and then set the thing on fire.
I know of a certain Sud owner who after trying to remove / replace the circlip on the clutch slave cylinder, blew a poofer valve and belted the firewall with a sledge hammer.
He actually had to walk to another shed and find a sledge hammer and walk down and give the poor old Sud a bit of a whack for having such an difficult circlip.
One of my crimes, in the early days of 33 ownership was those horrible unreliable Eurovox radio / cassette units.
Mine would break down about every 3 months or so, with a new calamity every time, and i would take the unit out and spend 3 hours driving it out to University place in Clayton, [that address is seared into my brain], with half a day off work to take it there and half a day to go and get it.
Then the fun would begin, putting it back in, as you would have to unplug all the wires of the row of switches on a series one 33, but the accountants at Alfa Romeo in 1984 had ensured, the wires were not quite long enough, so it was almost impossible to plug them back in, and when you did, a few weeks later they would unplug themselves.
To get over this problem, i eventually extended all the wires by about 100 mm, and it worked out well.
Anyhow, one late Sunday night when driving home from Winton, the radio started to jump from station to station, so in a fit of rage, i had a screwdriver sitting on the passenger seat, [as you do], so i smashed the radio with the screwdriver as some sort of revenge killing, stabbing it constantly until it started to spark and blew the fuse.
I sure felt good about that because it meant, i could justify getting another unit.
I purchased a el cheapo Pioneer, and it worked like a treat for 10 years, but i replaced it when the flip off face become damaged when someone tried to steal it out of my car, while parked at the Exhibition buildings.
CD's were coming in, so i purchased a Pioneer unit that has been in the car 10 years and works every time.
I wish i had vandalised my Eurovox earlier, Eurovox went broke about 15 years ago, much to the amusement of Uncle Col.
Over to you good people now, let me hear about your loosing it with your car, stories.
You don't have to use your own name, just say i know of this bloke called Uncle Col and he once.........., Colin.

[jazig.k]

A mate had a VH SS commodore. While putting in lowered springs he had trouble with something cracked it, punched a guard. His 4 year old brother was there and asked if he could hit the car so he handed him a hammer. Kid smashed the headlights and laughed his head off

[Barry Edmunds]

colcol, you are priceless. Thanks for lightening up this forum with a fun topic. I have this image of you stabbing that radio cassette player as you drove down the Hume. Hope you were under the speed limit at the time. Just as well Mr Plod wasn't near by, you could have been charged with assault and battery on a radio cassette player.

[peter dunkley]

Did once have a meltdown and in true Basil Fawlty style( or lack thereof) kicked the door of my  much loved 1.8 Alfetta. Its sin was to have a dead battery some fool was too lousy to replace. Two time loser new dint and still a dead battery,

[colcol]

Barry, i was driving through Campbellfield - Thomastown - Greensborough, and was only attacking the Eurovox at traffic lights, so i had plenty of time to think about what i was doing.
When i first got the Eurovox in 1983, it was the best unit around, and with all the problems, i was pleased to see the end of it.
That was in the olden days, now when your unit has trouble, they are so cheap, you just buy a new one, Colin.

[Evan Bottcher]

When I attended a country high school, a popular fundraiser at the school fete was a 'car bash' where we'd acquire an old car from the wreckers and put it on the oval. $1 each for 5 minutes go at it with a sledge hammer. I suppose that wouldn't be allowed these days... It was a lot of fun and made lots of money.

I wonder if we bashed up anything collectable? I seem to remember an early 70s valiant, and maybe a cortina.

[colcol]

When the Japanese carmakers started making inroads to the American market, and the Detroit car makers started laying car workers off, people with an eye to $$$, would buy an old Jap car and place it outside the car plants and invite the auto workers to pay some $$$, i think it was $5 for five minutes with a sledge hammer.
This completely missed the point of why the American car makers were in such a pickle, Colin.

[aggie57]

When trying to do something inside my old Alfetta GT (I can't remember exactly what but it wasn't going well) I wacked the windscreen from inside. Don't do that. Ever. They're not built to take impacts from the inside .

But hey, I learnt a lot about how to replace a glued in screen!

[four90s]

I remember when I was a kid in Darwin, my dad arranged the car for the "bash a car" at the primary school fete a couple of times. The era meant that people were charged 2 shillings for their turn.

I do definitely remember a mid 50's Vauxhall Velox featured one year. For those of you who are scratching your heads the Velox was the acme of English motoring in those days. Asthmatic four pot, three on the tree and drum brakes the size of shoe polish tins.

I have also heard a story over here in SA about a Ford man who continually chased another enthusiast about a moderately rare late 50's American Ford (model not disclosed to protect the innocent) and the chaser was such a pest, when the owner wanted to get rid of the car, he cut it up rather than give in to the pest.

I reckon I would have tried to hurt his wallet rather than cutting it up, but each to his own.

Cheers
Steve
Adelaide

[LukeC]

I have thrown quite a few tools, but I can't say I have been violent towards any cars.

When I had my workshop there were plenty of owners of cars that I came pretty close to being violent with... People talk about mechanics, but sit on the other side of the fence and see what you have to put up with! Can I pay next week? Since you changed the clutch, my radio does not work! Book the car in for a major job and either not turn up or only want 1/4 of the work done (because they bought a stereo, instead doing the brake overhaul). Is there a cheaper way? ...but I want it to work well forever. I want a firm quote on that major piece of work on my 15 year old car!

But one funny story I have is:

A customer towed in a 1.8 Alfetta that he and his son had done the head gasket on because it would not start. My apprentice and I did the usual checks and found no spark. I decided to change the capacitor and I asked Scott to hook up the jumper battery as the car's battery was getting a bit low on omph. The car had factory air-con and the battery was in the boot. He was standing at the rear of the car bent in the boot when I cranked it. This ignited all the fuel vapour in the exhaust and the result was like a shotgun being fired between his legs. The panel beaters next door came in thinking one of my customers had come in and shot me, Scott was checking his testicals were still attached, and niether of us could hear for 10 minutes. On examination, the rear muffler had exploded because of a wasp nest blocking the tailpipe solid. I told the owner about this and they informed me that the reason they had done the head gasket was the car had sat for some time and would not start and continue running, and just assumed the head gasket was at fault.

It was probably the wasp's nest all along.

[LukeC]

This guy takes the prize!

http://www.destroymyjeep.com/

What did Fiat buy!!!

[colcol]

And about 30 years ago i worked with a lovely Italian born man, who like me, had a shocking temper, prone to loosing it and throwing tools around the workshop, occasionally, would miss the wall and break a window and tell the owner that another bloody crow had flown into the window.
He drove an old car, even for the olden days, it was a British Motor Corporation Lancer, [ no, not the Mitsubishi, but the Austin - Morris one ], the bonnet on his Lancer had dents all over it, and i used to ask him, who vandalised your car?, he would change the subject and talk about something else.
Years later, at a car show i met a bloke, who turned out to be his brother, i asked him did he know how the Lancer got all the dents in the bonnet, he laughed and said, that Mr. X was going on his holiday with the family in the Lancer, and everytime they hit a bump, the bonnet catch wouldn't hold and the bonnet would open about 50mm, and he would stop, get out and shut it, this went on for about 20 times, sensing an immediate explosion, his wife went to the boot, and got a screwdriver out, so he could adjust the catch, this also went on far too many times, with him adjusting the catch, but to not any success, on the final time, he calmy got out and screamed at the car, and stabbed dents all over the bonnet with the screwdriver, he sold the car in the mid eighties, still with all the dents, as a reminder of how a tiny thing can flip some people over, Colin.

[Evan Bottcher]

This guy takes the prize!

http://www.destroymyjeep.com/

What did Fiat buy!!!

Good lord!  That's like watching a horror movie... 

I'm always impressed with the fine control of an experienced excavator operator.  I like the bit where he carefully opens one of the doors before tearing it off with the claw...

[poohbah]

This guy takes the prize!...  ...

Phew - we almost bought one of those bloody things when we replaced the family hauler a couple of years ago. What stopped me was the complete lack of space for your left foot in the driver's footwell due to the ridiculously oversized transmission tunnel. We bought a very sensible, bulletproof but boring Subaru Forester instead. Lucky, lucky, lucky...

[colcol]

I would never say anything bad against this mob, because they lent us 2 cars for the 6 hour, a Guilietta QV and a Fiat 500 Arbath, only complaint against the 2 cars were that there was no footrest in the Guilietta and the Fiat 500 Arbath didn't have a cruise control, at no stage did i ever feel like committing any crimes against these 2 fine cars.
If i owned a Guilietta i would bash the floorwell out, around the gas pedal, move it across to the right, bend the brake pedal across to the right, bend the clutch pedal across to the right and then there would be enough room for a footrest, that would be the only violence with a sledge hammer i would commit, Colin.