Collingwood flood victims

[twistybits]

Hope this doesn't offend any Collingwood people!

Collingwood flood victims need assistance - Please Give Generously[/b]

Torrential rain hit Collingwood in the early hours of last night.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, flannies soaked, woollen
trackies sagging, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

Flood waters devastated the area causing approximately $30 worth of
damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.

The Collingwood Herald reported that hundreds of residents were confused
and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Smith St ..

One resident - Tracy Maree Sharon Britney Madonna Smith, a 15-year-old
mother of 5 said 'It was such a shock, my little daughter
Chardonnay-Mercedes came running in to my bedroom crying. My youngest
two Joachim and River slept through it all.'

Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers
are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities
of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from
Kmart and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include: flannelette Shirts, tight blue
jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, Ugg boots
and any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Microwave meals, Baked
Beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations of $ 25:00 will be taken to buy a packet of Winny blue 25s
and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

[NigelC]

It's not possible to offend anyone from Collingwood.

[John Hanslow]

... or Collingwood supporters !

[Barry Edmunds]

The suggested $30 of damage to rhe area would more than likely have been $10,000 worth of improvements.

[SimonR]

I can donate my Nana's old false teeth to the cause!

The are plenty of people in Collingwood who appear to have many teeth missing so these might be handy to someone I am sure.

Only trying to help!