Stupid car accesories

[colcol]

I got this book on stupid car accesories over the years, and i got quite a chuckle, but my favourite stupid car accessory of all time was something i read about 20 years ago, that they actually banned due to well, lots of drivers dying because of it, the device in question was a status symbol that used to be on British cars in the 30's,  a duck or swan or goose or whatever, it would be attached to the front of the bonnet, that had wings that used to flap as the car drove along, it was somehow powered by a cable that attached to the wheel, like a speedo cable and the faster you drove, the faster the bird flapped its wings, so you can see where this is heading, the driver would go fast to watch in amazement at the birds wings flapped at breakneck speed, and rather than looking at the road they would end up driving into a fixed object causing them to become deceased, not funny, but has anyone out there in Alfa land got any stupid car accessory stories, Colin.

[Neil Choi]

The typical stupid car accessory would be a blonde, wouldn't it?

[pete barr]

I remember way back in the 50's an anti-fatigue device thet the driver wore aound his neck. The collar had a vertical pin which, when the driver's head nodded forward, would stick into his chin and wake him up! Funny, you don't see too many of them around these days. 

[MD]

Stupid car accessories are still alive and well today. My favourite one is the "hide all smell pine tree" dangling from the mirror. On a summer day when you get in the car that's got one and the internal temp has been raised to oblivion, the choking smell that greets you is enough to warrant medical help.

Instead of keeping the car clean inside and letting the natural smell of that Italian leather come through, we need to mask the odiferous compounds in the car by an overwhelming, more sexy one. One that reminds you of lillies on a Swiss mountain top (if only) or that special scent of  soap on a rope that you used in 1978. For goodness sake, a clean car does not need ANY masking agents !!

A close second in the same vein is that special, indeed magical dangling accessory from the mirror that could be the size of a wind chime on the back verandah. These have to be a spiritual driving aid because I see so many of them every day. Technically, they are illegal but I have never seen anyone getting booked for it. All the more is the pity.

[Barry Edmunds]

Do dogs with nodding heads qualify as an accessory?

What about dice hanging from rear vision mirror?

Signs on rear of vehicle proclaiming Baby On Board. This might have some relevance in the event of an accident but it would have more impact if said sign was attached to the steering wheel to remind the driver that they have other people to consider and to drive more carefully.

[Neil Choi]

Can someone explain to me of the significance of rows of stuffed toy animals on the front dash and rear parcel shelf of usually Japanese fine machinery.

Are they there as secondary impact protection to airbags.

Please explain to me as I am a very simple person.

Neil

Second that on the "Baby on board" sign, I could never figure out its true meaning.

[colcol]

Yeah Neil we used to get those fine Japanese Cars along to the MSCA and it was always interesting to watch when they went thru scrutineering!, 'baby on board', no idea either, but we did have a bit of fun with a bloke at work when we told him that the Police were having a blitz on baby on board signs, and if you had one on your car, then you would be pulled over and checked for 'baby on board', if no baby was sighted, then you would be charged with giving misleading information, Colin.

[alfagtv100 (Biggus)]

Yeah Neil we used to get those fine Japanese Cars along to the MSCA and it was always interesting to watch when they went thru scrutineering!, 'baby on board', no idea either, but we did have a bit of fun with a bloke at work when we told him that the Police were having a blitz on baby on board signs, and if you had one on your car, then you would be pulled over and checked for 'baby on board', if no baby was sighted, then you would be charged with giving misleading information, Colin.

Nice. I support this.  They should make the drivers eat the sign.  Just for fun.

[colcol]

And another bloke at work has "given up smoking", anyway thats what he told his family and us at work, but he hasn't "given up smoking" in his car, to and from work, so to disguise the cigarrette smell he has SEVEN of those pine tree deodorizer hanging of vents and mirrors, i think the fumes would give you a headache, Colin.

[alfa duk]

 Tell him to smoke menthol, it will blend better with pine.

[lance105]

Ok my list of stupid accessories, in oder of their stupidityness (if that is not a word it should be)

4. bullet decals on cars .... 
3. oversized spoilers. in fact any spoilers. Unless on a lambo.
2. RM william horn stickers across the rear window. Usually accompanied by "Rum-pig" or " Rum-slut" stickers, along with as many B&S stickers as it takes to block your rear vision. Noice
1. The satnav system in my audi. Proves that Germans DO have sense of humor. 

[Davidm1600]

God where does one start, and I suspect I show perhaps my age or my lack of appreciation of the Asian car syndrome, or for that matter the Aussie Bogan. 

But anyway, how about those idiotic neon lights mounted under a car, then there is the doof doof system that vibrates not just the bootlid, but all the extra plastic adorning such cars, including replacement front/rear bumpers, and side skirts (especially those with pretend air intakes to cool the brakes, except they can't). 

Then there is the adornment of bonnets with fake WRX airscoops but again they can't work as they are simply glued or nailed on, or those backward working carbon fibre replacement bonnets which look like they made by a bunch of school kids after a bender one night!  How about the mesh grills especially in the rear of such replacement rear bumpers.  Then there is the profusion of daft gauges growing up the drivers side piller like fungi on a tree, or sprouting out of the bonnet.  Of course how can I forget the sewage pipe exhausts out the rear of pretty much every young adolescants dream (like a Kia Rio, Daewoo, Hyundai Excel), let alone WRX, Skyline, 200 SX etc.   Oh and there is checker plate, this stuff which is for industrial applications seems to have been adopted as the material of choice for not just the interior but exterior on some of these cars.   

But high on my list of pet hates is the use of waste gates and the idiotic noise they make, I seem to recall Clarkson saying that they sounded as if there was a squirrel somewhere in the exhaust system.  I am sure if so, it actually would sound better IMHO.

Lastly how about the bogan Aussie ute or 4WD covered in mud, antennas, bull bars better suited to a mack truck, vertical truck exahusts, mud flaps front and rear and of course the obligatory rear window covered in every known bogan sticker you can think of and then some.

[MD]

David, do you realise you have just killed off half the tyre kicking, mud flap shop industry? 

Can you believe people actually have livelihoods selling this crap?

Fortunately, the idiot accessory usually matches the owner perfectly irrespective of gender or race.

Lucky for me, I get a lot of calming guru type guidance from this guy.....and I will get over it soon.

[Anthony Miller]

David, you forgot the three most popular accessories for the Holden Dunnydoor Ute/sedan/wagon
1. Chevy badge (it's an effing holden FFS)
2. Pontiac G8 front end (see above)
3. Entry visa for the shire (souther cross sticker)

[Brad M]

2. Pontiac G8 front end (see above)

The factory did it, so not really an accessory ...
http://www.themotorreport.com.au/43712/2010-holden-ss-v-series-special-edition-and-special-edition-international-models-announced

Should substitute for the already discussed ...
http://news.drive.com.au/drive/motor-news/holden-camarodore-20101123-184zd.html