Alfa Romeo #1 in Weekend Australian List of Shitbox Lemons...

[Darryl]

I read John Connolly's column in the Weekend Oz this morning and may have expectorated a certain amount of espresso over my Weetbix. He quotes Alex Hallowell (Shitbox Rally support mechanic) on the 5 worst and 5 best car makes/models for Shitbox rally...

At number 1 in the "avoid at all costs list" is "Anything with an Alfa Romeo badge." I can't really dispute his list of the most boring hard to kill or at least easy to fix shitboxes (Corolla, VK-VN Commodore, EB Falcon, 323/Laser, SV21 Camry)  but placing Alfa 4 spots above Jaguar with Daewoo, "defunct British car makers" and "Citroen, Peugeot, Renault or Saab" in between is a bit much....

If you have an oz subscription you can read it here: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/opinion/rally-squeezes-out-the-lemons/story-e6frg9xf-1226617638591

[Stuart Thomson]

For those that don't have a subscription to The Liberal Party Daily, sorry, The Australian (as long as Australian means WAS middle to upper class).  The article is an expurgated version of the SBR tips on buying Shitboxes.

1. Anything with 'Alfa Romeo' on the badge.
Glorious engines, charismatic styling, everyone will want to stop and have a look at your car as you're sat at the side of the road, forlornly waiting for a Tow Truck. Rust, Rust, and more Rust is all you'll find at this end of the market. Oh, along with Mechanical heartache and temperamental, nay hideously unreliable electrics.
In the words of Jeremy Clarkson, 'Alfa Romeo design and build a car to be as good as a car can be.... Briefly.'
2. Daewoo 1.5i/Cielo
'Not a bad little car' I hear you say. 'Cheap, well maintained, yada yada yada', Oh, I'm sorry, I stopped listening at Daewoo. You just bought a time bomb. On these things, the engine Oil Pump is driven by a separate little chain, from the same Sprocket as the timing chain. Trouble is, this little chain falls off. Which means that the engine starves of oil. Before you know what's going on, the engine oil light illuminates, and by the time you've pulled over to inspect the problem, it's already too late. Time for a new motor. Not a good choice.
3. Anything from a defunct British Car Maker.
Austin, Morris, Triumph, Rover, Wolseley, Humber, No, no, no, no, no. Too old, Parts will be a nightmare, and reliability will be a nightmare. Nice to look at in your shed and polish every second Sunday, but realistically, not a good bet to tear through the Red Centre in. Naturally, I bought a Rover.
4. Anything with a Citroen, Peugeot, Renault, or Saab badge on it.
Citroens and Peugeot's ride like a magic carpet. They offer superb comfort, almost like driving along in an old armchair. However, if you live more than two doors away from a dealer or specialist, or intend to take one any further than three doors away, they start to make less sense. Peugeot's (particularly the 504) can be mechanically invincible, but the part that breaks in the car park at Ayers Rock will be a part not even the Peugeot factory has kept for 30 years. Which usually means 'get your credit card out, this ones going to hurt'. Citroens are technologically fascinating, but not when you're trying to fix an overly complicated suspension system at the side of the road with zip ties and twine because you just ran over the bits of Skippy that a Kenworth driver didn't manage to plaster across his Bullbar.
5. Jaguars. No. Just no.

I shall write to this "journalist" and point out that of the six Alfas to compete in the rally so far, all have completed the journey.  I shall also point out that a part of the exhaust from my Shitbox last year contributed to the car pictured actually finishing the journey.  OK, the bit of the exhaust did fall off, but that's just mechanical altruism, my car acting as an organ donor for another.

What great cars!!

Cheers
Stuart

[lombardi]

Typical

[David Mills]

For those that don't have a subscription to The Liberal Party Daily, sorry, The Australian (as long as Australian means WAS middle to upper class).  The article is an expurgated version of the SBR tips on buying Shitboxes.

Ignoring the inappropriate expression of political opinion.............................. As a fan of Alfa Romeo and of truth, I too am offended by the article. Took me a while to find it though!  It appears on p14 of the Weekend A Plus opposite Jeremy Clarkson's column. Now, JC is often wrong and political travellers of all complexion are likely to get a spray from him.  Nevertheless, I would prefer to see AROCA remain objective.

[Sheldon McIntosh]

For those that don't have a subscription to The Liberal Party Daily, sorry, The Australian (as long as Australian means WAS middle to upper class). 

Brilliant.

And if you don't have a subscription, it's very easy to get around their paywall (luckily, as it would be criminal to be paying for any of the crap they publish).  Just copy the title of the piece into Google, then click on the first result.

[Stuart Thomson]

Bugger, I paid $1.  Lock me up...

Cheers
Stu

[Darryl]

It is amazing how many people have deep seated opinions on the content of a newspaper they swear they never read. As informed as published opinions on certain car marques perhaps? In case someone has been living under a rock, or only reads GLW, The Australian's compass does tend to point slightly right of centre. I'm sure the article is just part of their agenda of attacking government support for the car industry - just look at the lemons list - a list of car makers propped up by the state until their final collapse/take over/descent into irrelevance - GMH clearly paid to be placed on the other list 

The article is an expurgated version of the SBR tips on buying Shitboxes.

...

I shall write to this "journalist".

Ah - good to see the article involved such in-depth research.

Maybe you can get a more up-to-date quote from SBR (assuming that content is old?).

In the interests of full disclosure of the lack of journalistic credentials it is worth noting that John Connolly's real profession is corporate spin doctor.
I assume he is not expecting any work from Alfa Romeo.
TBH, JC's column is actually not bad as a random bit of humour built around a few well disguised facts and a fair bit of BS....

[Stuart Thomson]

Well I sent an email to John, which elicited a response.

Firstly me email to him ...

Hi John,

Thanks for the article about the SBR in the Aussie.

I would like to contend with some of the points raised in the article though.

As a fanatical Alfa Romeo owner (ex Pres of the Vic AROCA) I feel obliged to inform you of the 100% finishing record for Alfas in the SBR.

In 2011 a good friend of mine completed the Brissy to Darwin rally in an Alfa Giulietta (yep the boxy one from the 80's), of course the car was driven to Brisbane from Melbourne.  I had the misfortune of also ignoring Alex's advice completely and chose a 1974 Triumph Dolomite (1800, three speed auto), which chose to overheat from about Winton (Vic) to Darwin.

Inspired to do better in 2012, the Alfa Club in Victoria provided five more Alfas for the SBR, two 1984ish Alfa 90 V6s, Two 1985ish Alfetta sedans and an Alfa 33 "Sport"wagon.  Yep, they all made the trip from Melbourne to Cairns, two even made it back and are entered for this year's rally.  There is an excellent video from the SBR boys on day four of the rally last year, http://player.vimeo.com/video/40550388

The Shitbox Rally is a great cause and I congratulate you for taking some time to put an article in the paper about it, the more "mainstream" media publicise the event, the easier it is for entrants to find sponsors.

I should also mention that AROCA Vic donated about $5k to this and another cancer related charity last year.  Unfortunately, even though Alfa seem to have fixed the cancer traditionally associated with Alfas, their owners are not immune to the disease and we have lost our Patron and several long standing members over the past couple of years to cancer.

Unfortunately I will not be in the rally this year but my Alfa 90 will be there, driven by a couple of mates.  We have already arranged for its return at the end of the rally, how's that for confidence!!  We have reached our target, but a couple of my workmates could do with a little help to get over the mark.  If you get any enquiries about donations can you please direct them to team Road Runner (http://fundraise.shitboxrally.com.au/team_road_runner) or S-Car-Go (http://fundraise.shitboxrally.com.au/underbench_racing).

Cheers
Stuart Thomson

and his reply ...

Stuart
There must be a lot of unhappy alfa fans out there, I have had lots of similar emails.  I will put your email with donation details up on my website (johnconnollycars.com) and try to mention it in my column the week after next
john

I have since replied that, although some of my email was serious, there was certainly a bit of tongue-in-cheekness.  After all they are Shitboxes, regardless of make.  Perhaps we could get him to cover the SBR for the Aussie.  I'm sure Sheldon would love to be the travelling journo!

Cheers
Stuart

[Stuart Thomson]

There's a further article in this weekends' Aussie.  Don't know where though...

Tempers hit full throttle
BY:JOHN CONNOLLY From: The Australian April 27, 2013 12:00AM
Increase Text Size
Decrease Text Size
Print

Cars on display at France's Car City Source: Supplied
ONCE again the Weekend A Plus motoring pages are embroiled in controversy. Not since Porsche went to water cooling or since Jeremy Clarkson accused an American in the audience of being a fake, because she wasn't fat enough, have metal lovers' tempers hit such Olympian heights.
And it's all over comments in the column by the master of the muddled motor, the champ of the clunkers and the rajah of the rotten ride, the mechanical shah of The Shitbox Rally, Alex Hallowell. The rally leaves Adelaide on May 4 for Fremantle via Uluru.
Hallowell told readers that if they are thinking of entering this carnival of clunkers (nothing more that $1000) avoid anything with Alfa Romeo on the badge and anything with a Citroen, Peugeot, Renault or Saab badge on it. If 250 emails full of vitriolic comments that even this column would be scared to publish doesn't tell you there are some serious Europhilliacs out there then Mussolini was a Scotsman.
Professor Stuart Thomson, a real-life CSI pro from Monash University and ex-president of the Victorian Alfa Club, wrote "as a fanatical Alfa Romeo owner I feel obliged to inform you of the 100 per cent finishing record for Alfas in the Shit Box Rally (SBR)".
"In 2012, five Alfas for the SBR, made the trip from Melbourne to Cairns, two even made it back and are entered for this year's rally, including my Alfa 90, driven by a couple of mates as I will be overseas."
Now some of my best friends are forensic specialists and drive Alfas, but Simon's wife Samantha has given him up. Sam tells me they are English (then what are you doing driving a foreign car, Stu?) and were married in an Elvis drive-through wedding chapel in Las Vegas. Sam says Stuart is a big spender and the wedding cost $100.
Irishman Erwin Zehentne was even more heated. "As you are an expert on things motoring, could you explain that whenever the subject turns to cars sourced from countries other than British or local makers, their name is followed ... by 'expensive', 'unreliable' and worse?"
Zehentne's family has owned four Citroens, 13 Lancias, four Renaults and four Peugeots, "all of which were 99 per cent reliable and ... inexpensive to repair".
"Was it not a Peugeot and later a VW which conquered Australia in the mid-50s Redex rallies and proved their reliability, followed by sales success based on these results?"
Then we move to Mike Watts who is very unhappy with my list of places for petrol heads to holiday. Mike writes, "How can you claim to know anything about cars when you ignore the world's largest car museum the Cite de l'Automobile?" (That old Francophile Phil King says this means Car City.)
Mike, you're right. How could I forget Hans and Fritz Schlumpf's contribution to looking at cars. Italian born, they moved to Mulhouse in France to spin wool. Evidently wool spinning was a profitable caper back then because they owned the world's largest collection of Bugattis, among the 600 other classics they stored in their old wool-spinning factory.
Car City really is worth the trip to Mulhouse. (There's no other reason). Paris has done a sensational job building an outdoor track, great restaurants and really interesting exhibits, even for those ill-cultured members of the family who are not petrol heads. President Francois Hollande sees Car City "as being to cars what the Louvre is to art".
jc@jcp.com.au

Cheers
Stu

[TFJ100]

Not only are you famous, but you come off pretty well Stu!

I hope my wife would be as positive about me as yours was about you...